Parenting Things I Thought I Would Nail by Now (Spoiler: I Did Not)

Before I had kids, I was so sure about the kind of parent I would be. Calm, organised, always knowing where the hairbrush was. Now I have children and it turns out I was deeply delusional.

Here are the things I genuinely thought I would have mastered by now.

Laundry

I assumed the washing basket would have a bottom. I assumed wrong. It is an infinite void that eats socks and spits out clothes that still smell weird. I am now emotionally attached to my tumble dryer.

Bedtime routines

I imagined peaceful stories and sweet goodnights. Instead, we have a nightly performance that includes last minute thirst, urgent life questions and the sudden realisation they love me too much to sleep alone.

Meals

In my head, I would serve nutritious dinners and the children would thank me. Reality involves beige food, negotiations and someone crying because a carrot touched a potato.

Not stepping on toys

Why do toys only exist on the floor. Why are they all sharp. Why do they hunt my feet in the dark.

Screen time limits

I once said “no screens after dinner”. Now I say “watch whatever you want, just let me eat without sharing my plate”.

Patience

I thought I had a lot of it. I did not. The kids have all of it instead and they use it to test mine every chance they get.

Despite the chaos, the toys that attack my toes and the never ending laundry, I would not trade this job for anything. Parenting is messy and funny and full of tiny moments that make all the madness worth it.

Maybe one day I will master these things. But probably not. And that is fine.